I'm used to it by now.

So... Im slowly getting over you. Not completely but, i'm getting there. Youre already gone. You're already telling her you love her. That was fast. Thats exactly the way it was with me, you loved me before we were even dating.... You have no idea what love is. You're blinded by the fact of just having someone there for you, so you're not alone. And so you're pleasured. It's kinda pathetic. Go ahead and live your life. I can't tell you how to do it otherwise. But, atleast don't be the way you were with me, with her. We don't need anymore broken hearts out there.

Still here.

It's been.... 3 weeks. Alone. Broken hearted. Vulnerable. Isolated.

Missing him now hurts worse then it did.

I'm not giving up on us.

I am doing, and will continue to do everything i can in my heart to win him over. I love him very much, and nothing is going to stop me from doing so. And eventually if in the end he still just doesn't want me then.... i guess i'll have to accept that fact and move on. But it's not going to get easier from here. Only harder and harder. But i am willing to get through it for him... i love him. <3

Still beating..

He's still the only one on my mind, i can't seem to get my way around it. I can't let go, and forget him. That's to hard. I don't know what i should do? He's never going to give me a second chance, i messed everything up and it's all my fault for the position i'm standing in right now. I know i did what i did and can't take it back, but i surely can regret it and be completely sorry still.

I love you more then anyone will ever know. You're so wonderful and sweet. i can't let you go...
 How can you NOT love that cuteness?

Forever.

When i'm not with you i feel so empty inside. A piece of me is literally missing, and i can't think straight. I don't know what to be without you. You are my everything when i have nothing, the music of your voice is my favorite melody, your skin is my comfort zone. i don't want to be without it. Ever. Even if i have to break my heart a million times before i'm over you, i'm never not going to be friends with you. I can't do that. I didn't want to break up with you, but it was for the best, so i thought. Maybe now it was a mistake, but it's gotten us to both realize what we have, want and what we could have. but was that really the BEST choice? No, Yes? I won't ever really know unless i get him back. But i don't even know how to begin asking him for mercy and forgiveness! Especially with all the troubles we've had, we've been through too much that sorry really isn't "sorry" it's more like a deal with it kind of thing as he says..... this is one of the hardest things i've had to go through. i'm not sure what to do, or who to be without him. i'm so in love with him.... even though we fight ALL the time, i wouldn't want it to be that way with anyone else....


i just love him. Simple. As. That.

It's all up to you.

never again, will i hurt you. Your going to be happy from now on... because i can't be in your life. Too much regret, hate, jealousy, and fighting.

I'll still write in this.... in case you ever decide to look...

Broken.

It's officially over.
</3

i'll never stop loving you.

This isn't goodbye.

Today was not a good day at all. Connor and I are on a "break" or whatever you call it... I broke up with him because i find myself not knowing who i am anymore. I know it's hard to understand why i can't just be with him right now, but that's only for me and connor to know. I'm really upset.. I just took him home. I faked a smile the entire way there, just to show him that i can be happy, even in the worst of times. I love him a lot. Even though we're teenagers and supposedly don't know anything, or have a lot to learn. I feel like i've learned a lot just by being with connor. He is such an amazing person. And anyone who will ever get the chance to experience that is the luckiest girl, because he is so sweet, so considerate, and so loving. he is the greatest person i know. he is my bestfriend.

My heart is slowly shttering, the more i think about how it's really over, and he's not mine anymore. i need time myself, i want to work this out. But not right now. It's going to take some time, and yes it will hurt like hell in the process but in the end it'll all work out for the better, either way.
 
 “God puts a certain person in our lives for a reason, and whatever reason that God had in mind for putting you into mine… I don’t mind… I’m just thankful HE did.”

I am so in love with you Connor Nishijima. <3

Wake up!

So today, Connor and I are going to hangout, but he's still sleeping i suppose. He is crazy, i have no idea how he sleeps SO much! I know he is a teenager, but i wake up super early even when i go to bed late. I went to bed at 4:00 this morning and woke up at about 11:00. And i know he went to bed before me.... What a loser! XD Good thing he never will read these posts..... haha.


But anyways, i miss him. So i hope he wakes up so he can come over... :j

Aren't we cute?

Our Photography Business.

So, Connor with his brilliant mind, came up with an idea to make a photography and editing business! So, we grabbed a couple close friends, and at last "The Pixel Chisel" was made. We haven't done any actual shoots yet, but we have some waiting. And we are VERY excited! I hope that we can make this business work, because we need some money. I need a car and so does he.... :)

But, i think i'm really going to like this whole blogging thing... it'll make me feel better when i vent. Because then i'm not screaming at Connor over nothing..

So here we go!

Oh ya: www.thepixelchisel.net46.net